13-Aug-2015 16:00

Fix me up essays on television dating and makeover shows List top adult dating

And that meant dressing up straight, acting straight, being a proper girl, getting rid of everything about me that was queer and contentious and questioning. The markers of psychological health among young women at that time were long hair, pretty dresses, shopping, and makeup.The middle-aged, ponderously paunched male psychiatrists who ran the ward were absolutely in agreement on this point.

If we can consume wisely enough to be beautiful and fashionable, we can transform everything about ourselves.

When beauty becomes mandatory, it ceases to be about fun, about play.

Dressing up, playing with gender roles, doing your braids badly in the mirror, and eating half your mother’s lipstick in an attempt to get it on your face: Do you remember when that used to be fun? Like any game, the woman game stops being fun when you start playing to win, especially if you’ve got no choice: Win or be ridiculed, win or become invisible, dismissed — disturbed.

When I was a teenager, for various reasons unimportant to this essay I spent time in an eating-­disorders ward.

I turned up looking like a 12-year-old boy, with a shaved head, wearing ties, and the draggest drag I could manage with a waist too small for the children’s section, and the first assumption of nearly everyone on the ward was that I must be gay, and that my gayness was clearly the root of all my problems.

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