07-May-2016 19:05

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You didn't like it when your godson hurled on you, and he was a toddler. It's not about getting someone to think you're good enough for them. It’s about finding someone you can stand to spend a ridiculous amount of time with. It's about finding the puzzle piece you fit with and the Ernie to your Bert. I’ve noticed that there’s a topic that comes up repeatedly when it comes to talking about dating issues, whether it’s about the problems with being a Nice Guy, online dating, or even just approaching new people: the idea that women hold all of the power in dating.

Because sex is so much more easily attainable for women – or so the conventional wisdom goes – they have luxury of being able to define the standards which men must meet, wantonly cutting off men who are not rich, tall douchebags with square jaws and fast cars.

Men feel helpless; they feel that they are forced to leap through hoops in order to win women’s approval and hope that she will pick him against all odds. In fact, not only is the idea that women somehow control all the power in sex and dating not true, but it’s a case of people asking the wrong question.

I realize that my past experiences have made me who I am today, but I still wish I could go back in time and have a sisterly chat with poor, clueless, "younger me." I could've written three novels, started a business and hiked the Appalachian Trail with all the wasted time and energy. No one ever fell in love while analyzing every detail of their momentous first meeting. If a man says that he's too damaged for you (or too neurotic, or too anything), just take his word for it.

It's too late for me, but maybe you can learn from what I wish I knew then. Finding a romantic partner is only one of many goals you can have at once. When you're part of a couple, you miss being free to follow your every whim. Even if it is his low self-esteem talking, you're not going to be able to fix him.

There's a difference between making something a priority and having an obsession. And sometimes they have small behaviors that indicate a complete lack of respect. Being unattached means not having to compromise on your plans.

Search for women in dating:

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No one wants to be the Captain Ahab of the dating world. When you like a guy, and your mutual friends have multiple anecdotes about him projectile vomiting after excessive drinking, you need to rethink the infatuation. If you wouldn't let your friend's sweetie talk to her (your essential piece of pop culture may vary) anyway. The sooner you weed them out of your life, the happier you'll be.

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